November 12, 2013 / Women HATE awkwardness
In this letter, I want to talk about a very important point that crushes men's (and perhaps even your!) success every day. That point is AWKWARDNESS, but not just any awkwardness. It is crucial to know when you should risk an awkward moment and when you should do your best to avoid the potential of awkwardness.
(1) Physical escalation is ok -- Escalating physically is perhaps the key to success (watch this video we made for more). If you are going to risk an awkward moment (such as you going for a kiss and getting rejected), physical escalation is THE action to risk it on. This awkward moment will be temporary and will not have any long lasting implications if the woman likes you.
(2) Approaching Directly -- The other main area where awkwardness risk is acceptable is when approaching women in social settings (out at a bar, club, etc.). You should not worry about awkwardness when approaching women, EVER.
Yea yea, I know, you get this stuff. It has probably been beaten into your head by other dating experts that you should be "outcome independent" and all that jazz. So then why do I say women HATE awkwardness when I just gave you two key areas where you shouldn't worry about awkward moments? Well, because there are a ton of scenarios where the fear of the awkward moment absolutely KILLS your chances. Here are some of them:
(1) Reconnecting after rejection -- If you want to succeed with a woman who has rejected you, you MUST re-initiate conversation at some point. (See our article: What to do if she's gone cold.) However, having to reject guys is awkward for women, and the HATE doing it. Therefore, if you want her to even take the risk of talking to you again after rejecting her, you need to engage in a way that will guarantee her no awkwardness.
(2) Not taking the "LJBF" hint -- Guys, when a girl says "Let's Just Be Friends", what she actually means is: "I'm not interested." If you think you can take her up on her friends offer to try to work your way back in, you are generally mistaken (unless you have slept with her before). All you will do if you start asking to hang out "as friends" is put her in the horribly awkward situation of hanging out with you as a friend, admitting she just isn't interested, or other uncomfortable situations she will try her hardest to avoid. If you want a girl to talk to you again, you want to make it EASY for her to do so, not put a bunch of undue pressure on her.
(3) Issuing ultimatums and the like -- If you think ultimatums and similar behavior work at getting a girl back or getting her interested, you are dead wrong. All it does is make her feel uncomfortable. If you want someone to be with you, you need them to be COMFORTABLE with you, not uncomfortable.
(4) Flowers / begging / and needy behavior -- I talk about how neediness is a huge turn off. (So do many others). But, I rarely talk about why. One crucial reason is that it puts women in a very awkward situation. Seriously, it's crazy awkward for a women to open the door to greet some guy she isn't interested in holding a bouquet of flowers!! DON'T BE THAT GUY, unless you want to NEVER get the girl.
To summarize, if you are escalating, don't worry about awkwardness. If she is into you, don't worry about awkwardness. But if she has rejected you, or is going cold, awkward situations are one of your greatest enemies. Avoid them at all costs.