October 04, 2013 / 6 Ways to Approach Women
Here are 6 simple ways to get things started with a woman you are interested in.
Beginners are often obsessed with the approach
When guys are first get serious about improving their success with women, they place a heavy emphasis on how to approach women. Countless posts on forums and questions I get involve something along the lines of “how do I start the conversation with the girl I am interested in?” or “How do I approach a girl I am interested in at the bar?” etc. etc. Approaching a woman for the first time is called “opening” and what you say or do to begin the interaction is called an “opener”.
Having a plan helps approaching women
I am not a strong proponent of using memorized or “canned” openers; however, confidence is a huge part of approaching women and I recognize that it is much easier to approach a woman with confidence if you have a plan. In this article, I am going to provide you with 6 different “plans” that will help you get started approaching women. With that said, remember that confidence and delivery of an opener is much more important than the opener itself.
“Hi” is a pretty good opener out at a bar or other social setting. Simply approaching a woman with confidence and introducing yourself is a very underutilized but effective approach. If you really can’t think of anything better to say, just go up to her and introduce yourself with “Hi”, or “Hey how are you?” or “Hi, I’m Josh”. It works. Note; however, that this is NOT an effective technique online.
2. Opinion Openers
“Hey, we were talking amongst ourselves and we need another opinion…” or “Hey, I need a woman’s opinion on something…” These are classic openers (called opinion openers) made popular in the early days of “Pick-up” and continue to work quiet well. Some popular examples of questions to actually ask are: “Do you think making out cheating?” or “Do you think David Bowie is hot?” or “Do you believe in astrology?” Generally questions are made a little more elaborate, for example, I would not necessarily ask “Do you believe in astrology?” but likely word it as: “Do you believe in astrology? You see, I have this friend and she cannot get enough of it! Seriously, the other day she called me to tell me she is concerned for me because my reading said “you will meet an adversary you will struggle to defeat” or something like that. So I’m wondering, is that normal? How far is too far?” Note that I deliberately did not list: “Hey, can I ask you a question?” It is better to approach with more assertiveness, such as, “Hey, I need your opinion on something.”
3. Obnoxious Butt-in Opener
I love this type of opener and use it regularly. It requires considerable amount of confidence and sometimes can lead to awkward moments but it works surprisingly well. The idea here is if you are overhearing a conversation (best between two women); butt in to the conversation in a funny obnoxious way. For example, if two girls are talking about their friend dating the wrong guy, interject something like: “I know right! Totally unacceptable behavior!! She should dump him ASAP. No, she should steal everything he has and make sure he lives the rest of his life in the streets!” These openers play on confidence and humor, both traits that women love. Sometimes I will use “Absolutely not! That is completely out of line!!” without even knowing what the conversation is about. Be sure it is obvious you are joking.
4. The indirect opener
Indirect openers are also highly effective techniques that are easy for beginners to use because as the name suggests, they are indirect and thus easier to deal with than approaching a woman head on. One example would be if you see a girl you are interested in standing at the bar, instead of approaching her, casually approach the bar and position yourself next to her, without directly looking at her (only looking at her or her direction if not doing so would make no sense in terms of how you are walking). Position your body in such a way that you are not facing her. After a moment, casually turn your head and ask her a benign question or make a benign comment. Some ideas are: “What’s the wait time looking like here?” or “Any good cocktails I should be trying?” etc. This is a great “beginner” opener that also works for advanced pick up artists as well.
5. The Point
“The point” is an opener that I use in loud bars or clubs where moving around and talking is difficult. It is a play on confidence, eye contact, and body language. As the name suggests, the point opener works as follows: Look the woman you are interested in the eyes (usually she should be at a reasonable distance from you, not too close) and point at her, motioning for her to come over to talk to you. Maintain firm posture, a firm hand when pointing, and do not break eye contact. This is a “confidence” opener. It will not only help you build your confidence by attempting it, it will feel great when you see it actually work!
6. “Hey, come join us”
This opener works best when you are with a reasonable size group but it can even work with just two guys out. The idea here is if you have a table at a club or a nice spot at the bar to simply motion over to a group of girls you are interested in and ask them to come join you. You don’t even need a table or anything like that: try just approaching a group of girls of similar size to your group and saying: "Hey, come talk to us." or "Hey, let’s talk about something.".
There you have it, a list of 6 openers that I have used regularly with success. These are just a small fraction of the different ways you can approach a woman, but before getting too caught up on openers, remember what I mentioned earlier: confidence and delivery of an opener is more important than the opener itself. The most important step of approaching women is going out and doing it!
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